To learn to love yourself without limits begins with looking within and considering situations when you’re struggling to love yourself. Sit and allow your mind to rest. Put aside any negative thoughts you've been holding onto, and connect with your inner self. Take some deep breaths to let go of any stored toxic energy you feel in your body. Listen to the sound of your heart beat.
This technique enables you to simply exist in the moment and take advantage of it as an opportunity to fall deeply in love with yourself.
In today’s society, we’re always in a rush, constantly moving, believing we need to complete every assignment or task as soon as possible. But from my experience, this isn’t true. Recalling my married days, I was constantly busy, feeling the need to complete all tasks within a day. Making breakfast, preparing for work, running errands after work, coming home to cook, cleaning up the house, making sure my son and ex-husband were okay, going to the gym, and then finally completing the day’s work for my transportation business… before I could even get ready for bed.
My days were draining me, and when I finally did lay down to rest, thoughts were still racing through my head. This cycle continued day after day with no end in sight. My home was secure, but I was overlooking myself in the process. I thought everything was okay, until one day my marriage took a turn for the worst, which led to a divorce. Not that I did anything wrong. He just checked out of the marriage.
As a result of this trauma, childhood memories were triggered, prompting me to check in with my inner child. What I found was overwhelming depression, the same overwhelming feelings making it hard for me to move forward now. And then it started, all the messages running through my mind. “I’m not beautiful.” “I’m a failure as a wife and mother.” I was lost and confused about my life and made the decision to go within and start searching for the root of my situation.
I knew what I needed to do. I needed to stop doing everything for other people. I had a voice, but I wasn’t using it. I wanted to take my power back, so I took out a piece of paper and began to write a letter to my inner little girl. I told her I loved her. I told her I was sorry for the pain she’d endured as a child. I told her she was safe, and that it was okay to feel how she felt.
This was the step that led me down the path to healing and loving myself. Now I’m free, and happy that I decided to face my trauma. I did the work to heal from my past. But if I hadn’t been brave enough to give myself permission to love myself, I would not have survived. One of the biggest lessons I learned is: don’t expect that someone can love you enough… for you to love yourself.
Putting our expectations on someone else will cause many disappointments. For me, as an adult, there have been many times when I felt out of synch with the people around me. Sometimes, it was because I always dressed well. Other times it was because of my excellent work ethic. I always felt so bad, like I was doing something wrong. But now I know that’s not the case. I had every right to do things that made me feel good about myself. What I needed to do was to stop letting other people make me feel like I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s respect.
I wanted to take my power back, so I took out a piece of paper and began to write a letter to my inner little girl. I told her I loved her.
Ask yourself which life experiences made you feel insecure and interfered with your ability to love yourself. At times, you may be reluctant to acknowledge them. But acknowledging them is a necessary step. The next step is easy and fun. Learn how to love yourself by deliberately choosing to act like you do! You can do obvious things like indulging in a pleasant dinner for yourself after a tough day or getting your nails done. Buy yourself some flowers.
Come up with a list of things and activities that make both you and your inner child happy. This way, when someone does something nice for you, it will be a happy surprise.
Acknowledge what’s great about you. I promise… you are amazing, powerful, unstoppable, and most definitely loveable! All you have to do is start accepting these things about yourself. In fact, turn this into a daily routine. It may sound scary at first, but no one’s going to know you’re doing it. But each time you give yourself permission to love yourself, you’re shifting your mindset. Engaging in this routine is going to have you feeling safer, more secure, and more confident.
Will you still get triggered? Sometimes. But now you know what to do. Never give anyone permission to dishonor you. Don’t let anybody diminish you either. Love yourself as you are, where you are. Always remember to return home… to your lovable self.
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Meet the expert:
Bleu overcame personal challenges including Alopecia, divorce, and depression. As a
passionate advocate for self-love and personal growth, I dedicated years to mastering the art of self-compassion and acceptance. Through extensive research, personal experiences, and guiding others on their journey, I’ve developed proven strategies to help individuals cultivate a genuine love and appreciation for themselves.
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