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How to Learn to Finally Love Yourself

As a Self-Love Coach, I believe my expertise and passion lie in guiding individuals to transform themselves from a space of self-judgment, ridicule, and relentless negative thought patterns to a place of self-love and confidence. My goal is to help people recognize their inherent worth, enabling them to step into a life they love and live with purpose and intention. Many individuals are not given the tools to cultivate self-love. While they are taught to love others, the importance of self-love is often overlooked or labeled as selfish.

What is Self-Love?

My interpretation of Self-love is the profound practice of nurturing and accepting oneself unconditionally. It involves recognizing one's worth, embracing one's strengths and weaknesses, and prioritizing one's well-being and happiness. The impact of self-love extends far beyond individual satisfaction; it permeates every aspect of our lives and profoundly influences our overall well-being, relationships, careers, and mental health.

woman hugging herself
Are your learning to love yourself?

I often emphasize the impact of self-love on our relationships, a concept that isn't always at the forefront of our minds due to what I like to call the "Jerry McGuire Syndrome" – the belief that someone else completes us. However, the truth is nobody completes us; we complete ourselves. By nurturing self-love, we lay the groundwork for healthy relationships. When we love and accept ourselves, we establish a standard for how we allow others to treat us. This empowers us to set boundaries, communicate our needs effectively, and foster meaningful connections based on mutual respect and understanding. Moreover, self-love liberates us from seeking validation or fulfillment from external sources, allowing us to love others more authentically.

“Whatever validation you demand from your partner, find a way to fulfill it within yourself.”

That's why I emphasize the importance of acquiring the skills and tools necessary to nurture a loving relationship with oneself. Recognizing the significance of self-love is essential, as our ability to authentically love others is deeply intertwined with how we perceive and love ourselves. When we approach life with love, we naturally radiate love towards others, as we see them through the same lens with which we view ourselves.

Many inquire,

"Where do I start?

How do I begin to love myself?

How can I even tell if I do love myself?"

Here are steps to initiate a nurturing relationship with yourself:


Start by becoming aware of how you talk to yourself. When you make a mistake, observe whether you judge yourself harshly or show yourself compassion. For instance, if you realize you've misspelled someone's name in an email after sending it, do you criticize yourself with thoughts like, "I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I did that"? Or do you respond with kindness, saying, "Oops. Mistakes happen. It's okay, I'm sure they'll understand."

“You can’t heal with the same mindset that made you unwell in the first place.”


How you take care of yourself says a lot about how you love yourself. I wrote a note to myself this morning, what do I need to do today to show up as my best self? A lot of times we wake up and run on autopilot, doing what we’ve always done. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself, “What do you want to accomplish today?” How do I want to feel?” When we set an intention for our day, we are more likely to have a day that is aligned with the things we value and align to.

couple touching
When we approach life with love, we naturally radiate love towards others.


What are you embracing with a "yes" that deserves a firm "no"? For the longest time, I found it challenging to refuse any request and often said "yes" to everything, becoming a people pleaser in the process. What I failed to realize was that by agreeing to things that didn't align with my true self, I was inadvertently rejecting opportunities that did. Establishing healthy boundaries in our relationships is crucial for fostering trust and embracing experiences that resonate with our authentic selves.

Here are some initial steps to begin prioritizing yourself and aligning with your true desires. This brings me to my next point: it's essential to first identify what you truly want. With the fast pace of life and constant demands, we often forget to ask ourselves, "What do I want?" Take a moment right now to jot down five things you want to accomplish over the next six months to a year. Now, consider what steps you need to take to achieve those goals. Whether it's saving money, hitting the gym, or picking up a new hobby, start incorporating small actions into your daily routine.

When we set clear intentions for what we desire and take aligned actions, the universe often works in our favor, increasing the likelihood of achieving our goals. First and foremost, it's crucial to know what you want and then actively pursue it. This act of self-love involves believing in yourself and having the confidence to go after your dreams.

We often get caught up in the world around us, neglecting to prioritize the things that truly bring us happiness and success. It's essential to carve out time to delve into self-discovery and explore the activities and interests that bring us joy.

Once you've clarified your goals, it's crucial to surround yourself with individuals who support your inspired actions and propel you forward. Your circle of influence profoundly impacts your well-being and success. Identifying those who share your values and aspirations and making them a priority in your life is key. Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and encourage your growth is an act of self-love. This may mean releasing distractions and individuals who don't align with your values and priorities. While it can be challenging, acknowledging this, and taking aligned action is essential for your personal growth and fulfillment.

“Nobody else gets to decide. You are up to you.”

Practicing gratitude is a powerful tool that shifts our focus from what we lack to what we already have. Many of my clients come to me feeling overwhelmed and anxious, consumed by fear that they won't achieve their desired goals—a new home, a baby, or love. However, what they fail to recognize is that this fear perpetuates a scarcity mindset, limiting their ability to manifest their desires. Instead, by acknowledging and appreciating what they already possess, they invite abundance into their lives.

I encourage you to make a list of three to five things you are grateful for, whether it's the simple pleasure of sipping coffee in the morning, the love of your family, or the miracles that have already unfolded in your life. Taking this moment to acknowledge your blessings can shift your energy, alleviate fear and anxiety, and empower you to pursue your goals with greater ease and confidence.

woman hugging puppy
Delve into self-discovery and explore the activities and interests that bring us joy.

Finally, self-forgiveness is crucial. Remaining in a state of guilt over past actions only keeps us stagnant. To progress and move forward, we must grant ourselves forgiveness. Recognize that making mistakes is inherent to our humanity and presents an opportunity for growth. Extend love and compassion to yourself for past errors and shortcomings and grant yourself grace for moments when you were unaware. As Maya Angelou wisely said, "When you know better, do better." I've spent countless nights dwelling on past mistakes and regrets, berating myself far more than I'd like to admit. However, I came to realize that this self-flagellation only held me back, hindering my ability to become the person I aspired to be for both me and my loved ones. It was essential to release the burden of guilt and shame, creating space for the love and compassion I desired, not only for myself but also for those around me. This transformation allowed me to show up as my best self, ready to embrace life fully.

“What if you forgave yourself for forgetting that you’re already enough.”

I hope these words ignite a sense of hope within you, illuminating the path toward repairing and enhancing your relationship with yourself. Remember, self-love is not just a destination but a journey—a journey that begins with a single step, with you at the helm. Take the necessary steps to prioritize yourself, carving out time and space for your healing and growth journey. Embrace each moment as an opportunity to nurture yourself, to rediscover your worth, and to cultivate a deeper connection with your true essence. With each intentional action, you pave the way for a more fulfilling and empowered existence, rooted in self-love and authenticity.

It's easy to get lost in the noise of life, but the path to finding your highest self is paved with intentional silence.


Elizabeth Foster with Her Nation Magazine
Elizabeth Foster | Transformative Self-Love Coach

Meet the expert:

Introducing Elizabeth Foster, a passionate Transformative Self-Love Coach dedicated to guiding women on their journeys of healing, self-discovery, and self-love. As the founder of "For the Love of Self Coaching" and the host of "The Self-Love Lounge" podcast, as well as a published author, Elizabeth is on a mission to empower every woman to stand in her intrinsic self-worth and embrace self-love unconditionally. With the book she coauthored, "Rattled Awake, Volume 7" Elizabeth shares profound wisdom and practical tools to help readers cultivate a deep sense of self-compassion and acceptance. Join her transformative journey and discover the power of embracing your true essence.

Dive deeper into her wealth of knowledge:



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