It’s difficult enough to find a therapist. Or a counselor. Coach. Whatever works for you. It’s a touchy topic in this world full of stigmas.
But think about the nature of that relationship. The things you open up about with this person. Things you might not tell anyone else, or if you do - you’ve talked about it with and processed your feelings with your therapist first.
The trust. Imagine losing this person. Grief is impossible - no matter what situation, but finding a therapist is truly difficult.
Finding another therapist after losing one you’ve connected with and opened up to and worked with for a period of time. That’s its own kind of grief.
There aren’t support groups for this kind of loss. It’s not even acknowledged as a loss. So I’m writing this for so many of you.
For the new therapists…. There’s not a class in school that acknowledges this loss. Be the one who does. Recognize the crucial role you’re playing at such a crucial time.
Consider the value of referring out. We’re not obligated to accept every client. We’re obligated to provide the best standard of care.
Transferring someone to a male is necessary for me - pretty often. Referring to someone with a specific area of expertise - not only necessary but ethically necessary.
So first and foremost, be compassionate. And then remember to put your clients needs first.
Unfortunately, I have to add that this isn’t only for new therapists. I was recently asked to monitor some clinicians and their interactions. They didn’t know my background or role. I overheard things like “My new client lost her daughter. I’ve never experienced loss but I need the clients, and we all can handle loss and depression,” “M
y new client annoys me,” and “It’s more effort to refer to someone else. I’ll just stop returning their calls.”
UNACCEPTABLE!
I entered some conversations, asking questions like “Are you experienced with addiction and recovery?” and received answers like “I know enough.”
Is this what it’s come to? Why did you go into this field? DO BETTER - or change your hours and who you see. Find your own stress outlets and reevaluate.
These are people’s lives in our hands! Maybe even someone you love.
Friends and family - if someone chooses to share a vulnerable topic like going to therapy and losing their therapist, don’t minimize their search for a new one. You don’t have to do anything else - just don’t minimize what they’re going through.
You don’t have to understand. We want to, don’t we? We want to get it, or fix it, or have some magic answer. You don’t have to do any of that, and as frustrating as this might be to hear, and as frustrating as it might be to feel helpless - it’s not about you.
It’s just about being there. An act we’re not taught enough about….. we’re not taught the significance of being there or of allowing others time be there for us. Think about that.
I’m not ok with it - which is why I’m telling you. I want people to unlearn things telling them otherwise, and I want those younger to learn that simply being there is one of the biggest gifts you can give.
It’s also one of the most important things you need be willing to receive. Life is hard enough. It’s harder without a support system. Leaning on yours is a strength.
It’s also a behavior you’ll model - which becomes a gift you can give to others. Over and over. When people see you leaning on others, it will give them permission to do the same in their lives.
Paying it forward emotionally.
To anyone struggling with this type of loss - I’m so sorry, and I know that words just don’t. They just don’t. I get it. Please know that some of us out here do understand the pain you’re experiencing.
Don’t punish yourself by going through it alone. Grief has a way of isolating. Of convincing you that others can’t possibly understand. And while everyone’s journey is unique, you can find others who have been through some type of similar loss.
Unfortunately, it’s up to you to look. It’s not advertised. It’s not something that’s going to come knocking at your door. You have to choose to find those people.
But if you look you shall find. And I make it my job to do all of the looking. So please reach out anytime. Let others know that they can reach out.
To me. To a mental health organization. Even to online support groups. Just please start having the conversations.
Keeping it in. Suffering in silence. That makes it more painful. It makes it last longer. You don’t have to share everything and you don’t have to tell the world - just please start with someone you trust enough to let in.
One step. To help you find the right person. To listen. To just be with you. Whatever feels right. We all move at our own pace, and that’s also absolutely right.
Having others who can let you know those simple things, people to lift you up when you can’t stand -
People you get to lift up when they can’t stand!
We’re all in this together… this club we never asked to join ❤️
>
Meet the expert:
Samantha is a Psychologist, Speaker, Best Selling Author, and Host of The Be Ruthless Show, a podcast dedicated to Making Noise and Breaking Stigmas.
She is also the Proud Founder of Griefhab, rehab for grief, a 24/7 community open to anyone who has experienced a loss. After personally living through this, Sam realized just how much support she needed on a daily basis. She vowed to create these services
so that others would have the support she didn’t in their times of need.
Samantha’s mission is to change the way the world views both grief and mental illness, so people can get the help they deserve without the fear of judgment, labels, and repercussions.
In her free time, you can find Sam and her pups, Sassy and Dallas, on one of their outdoor adventures. They love living in Colorado and never miss an opportunity to explore their beautiful surroundings. Music fuels Sam’s soul, family means everything to her, and honoring her late husband, Jim, gives her life daily purpose.
Dive deeper into her wealth of knowledge:
Follow: