Embracing my way

 

In the end, we all need to find our own way, but as a small child it helps to have some sort of stable home base. Literally: as a child, your home is your base.

 

I was born and raised in The Netherlands. From a very young age, I lived in two completely opposite homes, as my parents divorced when I was only 6 months old.

 

They both loved me, but they did not get on well and didn’t harmonize or synchronize their parenting. They each did things their way. This went from daily life stuff, that may seem small and insignificant differences, but for a small child are so confusing, to big stuff: their different world views meant they had different opinions about more or less all aspects of life.

 

With my mum, I lived in social housing until I was 8; with my dad I lived in a detached house with big garden. With my mum I went on camping holidays in my own country, in a tent and only basic facilities; with my dad I went on luxury summer holidays in Spain and skiing in Austria. “Think about what is most sensible”, my dad would say. “Follow your heart”, my mum would urge. And I couldn’t make out what I thought was most sensible or what I felt what my heart wanted.

 

I learned to adapt, switching between this way and that way. It often felt like I was living in two different worlds, with no real connection between them, but me.

 

What I realize now is that I struggled to find my path because I was always trying to please others. Growing up, I just wanted to get it right for my parents, I wanted what every child wants, acceptance and love. Although I received these in abundance, because of the split I was always conscious of fitting in every time I moved from parent to parent.

 

And in my adult life, for many years I continued trying to please and fit in. To some, my adaptability seemed a strength, but for me it just reflected my inability to know my way. I thought I needed to figure out exactly what

 

My greatest discovery has been to learn how to connect to and trust my inner wisdom, and to embrace all aspects of who I am. The understanding that I have the answers within, and I can know my path and yet it can go many different ways, brings me peace and joy.

 

Now, my ability to adapt has indeed become a strength. I can feel comfortable at home almost everywhere and in any situation. This also helps me in my work to help others to (re)connect to their true selves; I am as comfortable within a corporate setting as a spiritual fair, and I can put myself in other people’s shoes, truly feel their world, so they feel understood and heard.

 

But wherever and with whomever I am, I now always listen to my inner wisdom, that inner voice that tells me whether I am true to my way.