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Silence Holds The Code

*trigger warning: abuse

It’s Thursday night. She twirls her blue Baoding Balls clockwise around her right hand—thumb, index finger, wrist, turn. They’re smooth, with a soft sound of chimes as they move. On subtle repeat, she breathes in through the nose and feels her stomach inflate as she sits in the middle of the lounge room floor, the air moving in and out, as she takes great care to be intentional.

This is the exact rug she lay doubled over on not so long ago. Crying in agony as her baby sat on her spine. She was 34 weeks pregnant at that stage, and the pain was excruciating.

She remembers vividly the intensity of pain, though even that did not compare to the deep agony of hearing him, the father of her child, scream at her for not being able to wash the nightly dishes. An occurrence that she wished was a once-off, though sadly, the behaviour was on high repeat.

She realised it was time to leave the relationship at the height of the tension when she was dealt the final blow, and she knew there was no turning back.

However, we know it’s never that easy, and there is often that microsecond decision that can change everything. And for her, it did!

The woman on the floor this Thursday night may look the same. Minus the belly of an impending child and looking slightly tired, she carries a glow she has not had in years. Found in the most unlikely of places, she is different yet the same.

Western culture has embraced the drive for years, invoking celebrity status on those who postured to be “deep in the grind.” We revered those who could stay up for hours and still get to the gym. We adored the rebellion of sleepless nights that were traded for success. Bemused by thoughts of a possible mental undoing, we pushed nevertheless: all for the glory!

And glorious it was, for a while. However, individuals have a threshold, and many willingly and blindly raced headfirst into it.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and if you ask any person about the wisdom they have gained, it is always from a profound experience, and this woman is no different.

In times gone by, we raced to reach a non-existent finish line, many of us sacrificing not only our physical but also our mental health. Truth be told, we didn’t know better. Couple that with the rush of neurochemicals when you hit that goal, and it was inevitable that we had to fall.

The Baoding Balls keep turning gently.

And fall she did. One fateful Saturday, after baby number two was born, she collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. Independent to the core, she knew that she needed rest. Working two jobs after the separation and now looking after two children single-handedly, she was a super-woman who could get it all done and still function perfectly fine on five hours of sleep.

Or so she thought. That was until she found herself in a hospital emergency room with the crash cart being rushed down the corridor - for her.

It took Specialists four days to establish what had caused the episode. Quarantined in a ward with palliative care patients, she would hear the screams at night of patients with a terminal diagnosis while she was told that it was unlikely that she would leave. Her body so depleted that there was no immune system to fight with, and she was in serious trouble.

A lot has changed since the day 9 days after her admission to the palliative care ward, and now she knows better that even though she can mentally function on 5 hours sleep per night, her body says no.

The experience carries many lessons for her that have manifested into rituals to explore the depth of her own power. A once hectic schedule with stress in overdrive and a brain that wouldn’t shut down, she has come to understand that the power she previously exerted was taken, and just like chaos, there was a trade almost coating her the ultimate price.

Nowadays her schedule resembles nothing of the pre burn out days. Today, she enjoys purposely scheduled daily “down time” which is designed to soothe her sympathetic nervous system by engaging its collaborator (the Parasympathetic Nervous System) to relax and unwind.

Eastern traditions have long studied the mind and energetic fields. Thousands of years ago coming to an understanding that in the lower altered states of alpha brain waves, the mind functions differently. More efficiently and with less rigidity.

So, this is her ritual: Vedic meditation with a customised mantra that cannot be uttered and should never be written, lest it take on an unwarranted form. By slowing her breathing and repeating her mantra, she is taken deeper into her unconscious mind, where the impossible becomes so simple it is mundane.

As she Inhales gently, her mind slows to a sacred place where thoughts unravel, and solutions are obvious. If only she had known this that night when she was in so much pain on this very floor.

Grateful that she has experienced the depletion of the hard hustle and grind and found the source of real power, where her mind constructs impossibilities that play out in reality. Her once overactive consciousness is now calm and centred with balance and ease.

She smiles as the balls softly fall to the floor, the place where she goes nobody can reach. Here, she gains wisdom from her day as her subconscious mind connects patterns to create solutions she will take when she awakens.

Here her soul is at rest, and her nervous system resets into a state of peace.

The hustle and grind culture continues to be upheld in awe. Like a status of success, the shine of the long nights has not yet worn off. Though, we now know better that it is unsustainable. Thanks to researchers like Dr Joe Dispenza and Dr Caroline Leaf, we can confidently trade the harsh, long nights where we constantly attempt to push for an answer for a 20-minute meditation that will produce more productivity than a coffee ever will.

Finally, we understand that we had it all wrong and the hustle is not the only way. This single mother on her living room floor rug proves that meditation works. Not only does she do what she used to, but she also shows others how their silence holds the code to the impossible.

She has embraced the slower pace that she never thought possible. The best part is that this time, there is no cost.


Meet the expert:

Jo Jackson | Performance Architect
Jo Jackson | Performance Architect

Jo Jackson is a Performance Architect who uses her experiences to coach men on how to reclaim their Dangerous Modern Man. A state where their primal knowledge is reactivated to change the course of their future.



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