In a world of social media, mental health buzz words, and influencers, it’s no wonder that some of us are so confused as to where we fit in! It can get so overwhelming whether we should be a giver, a taker, a self-care connoisseur, or self-less non-profit boss. That may be a bit dramatic but stay with me. In today’s Pop Culture we receive mixed messages. For Example, we see so much more acceptance and diversity in Hollywood while our political leaders (whichever you support) seem to be stuck or even going backwards in time.
I mention the above because all in all, what matters in our lives is how we view ourselves as worthy and lovable.
Our past has quite a bit to do with this, of course. From our upbringing to negative experiences, we have either consciously or subconsciously implanted a belief about who we think we really are.
Let’s say you grew up in a judgmental and critical household, you most likely are someone who has a perfectionist mentality and can fear trying new things, so you won’t experience failure. You also may speak harshly to yourself often due to “hearing” those things you’ve heard in the past.
What if you grew up in a household that revered your every achievement? What if you received praise and a participation trophy for anything you tried? You may not be able to handle real world rejection and favoritism. You would be hard on yourself or even mad at the world for not giving you what you deserve!
These are just a couple of examples of why it’s so important to reflect inside and figure out what YOU think of YOU.
If we could all pull back from needing and wanting the approval of others, we’ll learn the self-confidence and self-esteem we’re searching for.
Here are some magical and practical ways to learn to be your own BFF and find the love for yourself you desire-
Write 3 Letters to yourself- Past- Give Forgiveness to your younger self for perceived failures, bad choices, and allowing mistreatment from others. Present- Write down promises you’ll keep being true to who you really are. Future- Thank them for the resilience, achievements, changes, positive paths, and evolution you’ve made. Affirm that you love who they are.
Acceptance and Affirmations- Remind yourself of all the good things you are. Choose a superpower that you have, things you feel proud of, and achievements you’ve made. Allow the thoughts that you are exactly where you should be and that you are doing better each day. I once heard someone say this when they find they were disappointed in a situation of their making, “how human of me to do that”. That is acceptance that we aren’t made for perfection but here for experience.
Comparison and Toxic Circles- If you find yourself constantly comparing yourself or complaining about others, it’s time to re-evaluate your self-view. You are unlike anyone else and comparing your path and experience is like finding similarities with the beach and the rain forest. They aren’t the same and aren’t meant to be viewed similarly because they each have beauty and characteristics unique to what they are. It’s crucial to look around you and the relationships you interact with daily. If you feel drained by certain people every time you leave them, it’s probably not a good fit. You’re allowed to leave any situation and any relationship regardless of time, DNA, or obligation. You are here in this life to elevate your being and once you learn something, move on.
Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes- Yep, the insanity cycle, doing the same thing expecting different results will NEVER work. For anything to be different, action must be taken. If you’re familiar with the degreaser product, WD-40, the name comes from the manufacturer trying 40 times to get the formula right. The whole idea is to keep at it, keep trying, keep reframing your perspective, keep trying something new even if it feels uncomfortable and maybe even ridiculous, you’ll never know unless you persist. Think of all the things you are today that required constant retrying- riding a bike, walking, and learning your ABC’s.
If you feel drained by certain people every time you leave them, it’s probably not a good fit. You’re allowed to leave any situation and any relationship regardless of time, DNA, or obligation.
Learn to be your own BFF and finally love yourself, speak to yourself with encouragement and support like you do others, and most importantly, have gratitude for all that you are, because you really are amazing when viewed through the eyes of unconditional love and elevated self-worth!
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Meet the expert:
Maureen Scanlon is the founder and CEO of Maureen Scanlon Life coaching. She is a Master Certified Life Coach and Relationship Expert, Award-winning Author, Entrepreneur, Speaker, and Podcast Host. With accreditation in Modern Applied Psychology, Animal/Pet Psychology, Infidelity Recovery and Narcissistic Relationships among several others, She has helped others learn to take back their power, release limiting beliefs, and understand that your relationship with YOU is the single most important thing in living a life of joy
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