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  • BY RYN SLOANE

How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself

You know that saying, home is where the heart is? There’s a lot of truth in that but if we ask ourselves from a deeper meaning, “where is home?”, the answer should be “me”.


YOU are your home. The problem though, is that most of us lose our way and those of us willing to recognize that we’re lost and desire to find our way back, need to commit to loving our way back - back to ourselves - back to our home.


I have been learning this through my forties and I’m going to tell you straight up, it’s been TOUGH but also, SO worth it. Because really, who wants to feel lost? I’ve felt lost my entire life and I’m SO fucking done feeling that way!


If you’re feeling a little lost and longing to find your way back home too, keep reading because I’m going to break this down for you!


The way back to loving yourself is a process of unlearning and also remembering simultaneously. Tricky - yep but possible.

We’ve been fed a lot of crap over the years and it’s your job to look at what isn’t serving you and give yourself permission to let go of it. You GET to drop things that don’t serve you and you don’t need any reason beyond that to do it.


I have a feeling that when I tell you there’s a KEY ingredient to this, it’s going to make you cringe a little - and not in a way that it’s gross, but in the way that you feel the truth of this.


The key ingredient is self worth.

I know… it stings a little, right?


It stung for me too but when I got really fucking honest with myself and acknowledged that my self worth was dusty AF from all the years - okay, decades - of not fully believing in myself, of not being my biggest cheerleader, of not loving myself most or recognizing my magical uniqueness in the world, it was SO clear that this was probably the biggest reason I was lost (and it was).


woman smiling on Her Nation Magazine
Self worth is your compass for literally EVERYTHING. And deep down, your Highest Self, your SOUL, your magical faerie dust knows this, but your ego-human self forgets this.

We need to start with our self worth because your self worth is your net worth. (A dear friend taught me this recently and she’s only in her late twenties. Imagine, to have that level of understanding at that age?! Sign me up for that in the next life, please!).


Self worth is your compass for literally EVERYTHING. And deep down, your Highest Self, your SOUL, your magical faerie dust knows this, but your ego-human self forgets this. If you’re anything like me, you can’t use a compass to save your ass (thank you Google maps!) and it’s okay.


While it might feel hard to admit it, or disappointing to acknowledge, it’s your first step to loving yourself.


The truth about self worth is that everything comes from that place. You’re worthy as hell and you always have been - we all are. In fact, it’s your birthright. But we forget and we lose our way. The path is still there, you just have to get off the one you fell onto that led you astray. Make the choice to stop underplaying yourself and what you’re capable of. Decide that you’re ready to come home. Your honesty and vulnerability towards yourself will open up a new path for you - and that is the path home.


Let me guess: you love your family and friends and showing up for them. I think as women, we’re SO great at loving on everyone and showing up for them when they need us. But how do you love yourself and show up for yourself?


Not so good at that? Most women aren’t. It’s not your fault but it’s necessary to turn this around if you want to get back home.


Loving yourself means honoring yourself. It means recognizing that you owe it to yourself (because you love yourself) to show up for you, first. FIRST.


It’s not selfish to fill your soul with whatever it is that lights it up. Maybe working out is important to you and the way you show up. Maybe it’s a quiet morning with your coffee and journal. (Maybe I’m using myself as an example. These were game changers for me).


Make yourself a top priority. It’s NOT selfish! It’s love and it's non-negotiable. Because when you learn to show up for yourself first, you’ll show up for everyone else you love and who needs you, BETTER. It’s a win-win.


This is self love, baby. It's a priority. Add it to your daily routine and show up for yourself, no exceptions. Ultimate. Self. Love.


Next, take your power back from the nagging voice in your head who probably exhausts you with the lies she says throughout the day trying to keep you “safe”. She’s doing her job but while you let her run around in your head unmonitored like a kid without boundaries, you’re giving her permission to keep you small. Is that what you signed up for?


I don’t think so.


Listen, we all have an inner bitch but it’s up to us to learn how to keep her in check rather than allowing her to keep us under her thumb. She thinks she’s doing you favors, but while you let her run your life, you stay lost - so which one do you want more?


If you’re driven to do BIG things, you can’t let anyone keep you small or hold you back - including your brain.

Talk back! Debunk her lies. Question everything she tells you. Have your back fiercely. In time, she’ll back down, but not without a fight. Learning to love yourself means standing your ground, even against your inner critic. You have to go to battle and you’ll have to do it more than once. Don’t back down. Make your truth bigger than her bullshit.


The path back home needs a good amount of discomfort and acknowledgement.

Take the time to list out everything you’ve accomplished so far. This has been HUGE for me. In my phone, I have a running list with each year and everything I’ve accomplished (as I’ve accomplished it) to remind me that I can do big things.


Your list is also your evidence to remind you how far you’ve come (our brain LOVES evidence so give it stuff that backs up your truth instead of her bullshit). 


Even when it feels like you have no idea what you’re doing - your list will be a great reminder that you’re capable of figuring it out anyway! And guess what! No one actually knows what they’re doing most of the time - but they figure it out along the way and you will too.


And lastly, start practicing seeing the magic that you really are.

Stand in front of the mirror and look yourself in the eyes.

It’s going to be SO uncomfortable but stick with it because the rewards are huge.

Smile and tell yourself: “I love you.” and MEAN it.

YOU, woman, are YOUR end all and be all.

You owe it to yourself to tell yourself that YOU LOVE YOU.

Because if you don’t love you, how the hell do you expect anyone else to love you?


Remind yourself you’re worthy as hell.

You’re complete as you are.

Nothing you seek is outside of you because everything you desire is already inside of you. 


This is learning to finally love yourself.

This is remembering who you are.

This is the way back home, to you.


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Ryn Sloane with Her Nation Magazine
Ryn Sloane | Breast Cancer Survivor

Meet the expert:

Ryn Sloane is a breast cancer survivor and thriver who empowers others to celebrate their resilience and reclaim their life on their terms! With a unique approach to mental and emotional health, Ryn was able to land on the other side of breast cancer without PTSD or depression. Her cancer journey inspired her to help others overcome the impacts of cancer,  rise stronger, happier and learn how to love life fiercely.


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