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GASP! You Ate a What?

Don and I had been invited over for a bar-b-que.  As always my phone was personally called the day before just to insure that I was ok with eating ‘meat’, most people assume I am some sort of vegetarian.  You see every moment of the day I am either walking around sucking on a straw that has been placed in glass with some sort of green goo concoction in it or I am strutting around with a carrot hanging out of my mouth or juggling a handful of raisins or enjoying a cup full of pecans or leaving banana peels on my desk, usually with a swarm of fruit flies following me around.  And as if that wasn’t enough to annoy anyone ‘normal’, pretty much every conversation I have tailspins into a lecture on eating more fruits and veggies (no wonder my friends are dropping off like flies).

Anyhow, I insisted everything was fine, and knew there would be other things to munch on besides a BIG lump of meat.  Don and I arrived with a big fruit salad and exchanged hugs with everyone.  I was helping out in the kitchen amongst the ladies, cutting veggies, making a dill dip and chatting about life, love, and puppy dogs while the boys were out with the grill.  About 30 minutes into this lovely adventure the man of the house comes bouncing in, a ball of energy (which I love), he comes right up to me and says, ‘Guess what I bought for you?’.  I stood there trying to think of something clever and witty to respond, when he blurts out, ‘Wheat hot dog buns!!!’

My reaction was quick, I covered the lump in my throat by laughing and giving out a big ‘Oh My, well thank you!!’  When internally I was counting the years it had been since my last hot dog.  I always loved being able to ‘brag’ about not having a hotdog for 5 years, like it’s some sort of world renown accomplishment that deserves a silver medal of sorts.  (Deep down I know people are rolling their eyes and secretly thinking, ‘Who gives a rats ass?  What, do you want some sort of silver medal?’)

As time went by, we sat down around a gorgeously set dinner table, my lady friend always goes above and beyond for dinner parties, dressing the table as if it is a young girl coming down a spiral staircase on her prom night.  There to my left, stratigicaly placed beside me, the ‘wheat hot dog buns’.  The hosts were so proud for having found and bought them specifically for me, even mentioning that they were only $1 more for the wheat over the white, and saying they may splurge to buy those from now on.  It’s unnecessary to say, I felt pressure from the crowd (probably made up in my mind), imaging everyone waiting to see if I would pick up the bun and place a hot dog on it. (the crowd gasp and ahs) I could feel my fiances eyes watching me carefully to see if I was ‘really going to do it’, his eyes widen as the clock ticks.  There, I was forced to make a decision.

I ever so carefully reached for a bun, (gasp!) passing the basket to my left and reaching over for a hot dog (gulp!) and placing it on the bun (ohhh!).  I placed the duo on my plate, then I covered my plate with celery, carrots, a small side salad and a spoonful of fruit that us ladies had been working on for the last hour (the crowd whispers).  Ketchup?  Not to say it has been 5 years since I have had the sugary substance…but I leaped for it.  Ketchup, not a lot, just enough (oh my!).

I sat, staring, I sort of laughed for a second, to myself, watching as a bystander, as these people gorged themselves with all of this food.  Not even giving it a second thought, while I sit here and contemplate ketchup.  So there I was, I picked up the picture perfect combo and took a bite.

What a delight (yum!).

I took another bite, chewing slower this time, enjoying and savoring every partical of nitrates, nitrites and salt that made this lump of meat so freakin delicious.   I finished my hotdog, slowly, I conversed and finished up my veggies/fruit, even later grabbed a 1/4 of a hamburger with no bun and enjoyed every bit of it.

And here I am a week later.  Still alive and kicking.  Did eating a hotdog bring me one day closer to my death?  Did it alter my entire gene strand and bring me years closer to an unknown pain in my stomach?  Who knows.  But you can’t live constantly stressing out about everything.  Right?


I consider myself a healthy person.  I eat relatively healthy, if you minus the fact that every once in awhile I splurge on dessert with my man and possibly sneak a slice of pizza at family gatherings.  To some my quote unquote diet, or what I refer to as a lifestyle, may seem a little extreme.  Many people mistake me for a Raw Vegan, or a vegetarian of sorts because I speak so often of greens, about consuming more fruits, not to mention my youtube videos about green smoothies.  My Facebook is constantly flooded with pictures of green goo looking drinks that given to any child, would automatically assume it was a drink only The Hulk would drink.

I will admit I take a lot of pride in my diet.  I choose wisely, I test my will power daily, and I would like to brag that most of the time my will power wins, although I am human…I do give in a couple times a week.  However, there is a part of me that is very apologetic about that fact, I feel a need to aplogize for ever craving anything but what I preach about.  I imagine people would point and GASP if they ever saw me take a bite of the Coffee Cake Muffin at Dunkin Donuts, because I speak so frankly about how AWFUL those white pastries are.  But eh, I do not believe in living in a box.   I think we as humans tend to be a bit extreme, extreme in one direction (very healthy) or the opposite (not healthy in the least).  I believe in balance, and that it all.  Just balance.  If you were to ever ask me what my actual diet consisted of, within 30 seconds of answering, the word ‘balance’ would bounce out of my mouth and hit you right in the forehead.

Overwhelmed.  Confused.  Bombarded.  I think we THINK too much, and then to make things worse we EAT too much.  And it’s one big awful cycle of, ‘What should I do?  What should I eat?’ to ‘AHHHH screw it, I am just going to eat EVERYTHING and worry about that stuff tomorrow.’

As we can all tell, with the OBESITY level as high as it is, more and more people are feeling this way and unfortunately for our children tomorrow never comes.

I hear time and time again, ‘My grandparents ate meat and potatoes with dessert every single day and they lived to be a healthy 90 years old.’

And I get that, and I hear that.  But that was when the wife stayed home and cooked a good hardy meal at home…from SCRATCH!!!  Now we are buying foods that have been processed, bleached (literally), flooded with sugars and salts and preservatives of all kinds.  Then the product is packaged in ready made containers that we then buy, throw out and liter our earth with.  It’s an on going process, that really does overwhelm me and simply makes me sick to my stomach.

This is the thing, it is NOT hard to eat healthy, it is hard to keep it consistent.  So instead of stressing so much about what to eat (we all know we need more fruits and veggies) put more effort into stressing about getting more of what you need into yo’belly!  You want to know what I ate for dinner last night (I know you are just dying to know)?  I sat cross legged on my bed with a half of a huge watermelon between my legs, spoon in hand… while I sat here and typed this post…But what is so wrong with that?  Stop thinking you have to have a meat, carb, veggie and dairy at every meal…it’s a LIE!!!! (gasp…ahhh….what!?)  Get into the habit of replacing a meal with all fruits and veggies.  It doesn’t have to be a BIG BORING salad, as most people assume.  Why can’t it be an entire cantaloupe or cucumber and hummus?  Think outside the box my friends…think differently.  If you want to do the same as everyone else, look around, you will get the same as everyone else.  It’s those that do things differently that are getting healthier results.  Those that have thrown the food pyramid out of the window of a moving car… are feeling energized, loving life, getting rid of that bloating and puffiness… we need more fruits and veggies…can I get a hallelujah!!!?

So it has been 9 days since my last hot dog…

Stay Fabulous My Friends!


#health #arehotdogsbadforyou #diet #wellness #humor #yellow #eatinggreen #eatinghotdogs

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