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  • Imana Azeez

5 things I wish someone would have told me before I became a mom.

I’m writing this from my bed, curled up with hot coco and classical music playing in the

background. My kids, 15, 14, and 4 years old, can only be heard faintly as the laugh at the Mario Movie playing for the second this month. This is bliss. My teens are not arguing, my youngest is not whining and they are enjoying something TOGETHER while I get to work in peace. It was not like this 2 hours ago and this quietness will most likely crash soon. And that’s okay. I’ve learned to ride this wave called motherhood with more than a sail- I carry around a motor.


Let’s be real; nobody tells you the full story on what to expect before you become a mother, so I’ll list the top five I learned so you can at least have a road map.

1. Be prepared to do it alone. Not just as a single mother, but as a married woman that does 70-99% of the childrearing regardless of if she has a job outside. It’s nicknamed the

fourth shift. I call it, you’re never off work. I know there are a lot of great partners out

there that may bring home most or all the earnings. However, being a full-time caregiving will become mentally and physically exhausting. You need a break to decompress as much as your partner. I wish I knew that setting that standard and enforcing the boundaries that we both need that time early on is important.


2. Spend time creating who you are outside of becoming a mom. Dare to dream again about your wants, needs, goals and dreams. Create goals to achieve after becoming a mom as well. You will fall in love with the tiny human you created, and it may cause you to forget yourself. Ask a teen what they want to do in 5 years, and it may be filled with concerts, travels, marathons and more. Most oms will have a hard time distinguishing themselves outside of being a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. I’m a ride or die for my minions! However, I’m also a swimmer, a writer, a coach, a singer and a friend. I wish I knew that it’s okay to focus on just being a mom, however we should never lose ourselves in it.


Women with Her Nation Magzine
Growing alongside my little one, one giggle and cuddle at a time.

3. Create/maintain your group of really great friends! Yes, your friends. If you don’t have

any go makes some. I don’t know about you, but I got tired of searching for blues clues

all day long. And does a 4-year-old really understand why I’m on a diet tomorrow even if

I said I’ll start 100x again? Yes, I can have more conversations with my teens, but…. We

don’t need to be fangirling over all the same guys, do we? A common reply I hear is, “I

don’t need anyone else. My partner is my best friend.” Let’s be real here: Your partner

will have someone else to talk to as well. It may be at their job, outside or online, but they do. It’s perfectly healthy to have to as well. We can’t and should not make our partners be the one all be all. It’s a heavy load to carry. Besides, there’s nothing like a girl’s night out or end! She may even be willing to hold your little bundle of joy so you can rest. Trust me, you’ll need it. I wish I knew true friends increase sanity.


4. Mom’s Intuition is Real. You've got this electric, almost magical connection with your baby, one that's built on pure love and instinct. It's like having your own secret

superpower that guides you through the wild maze of parenthood. This isn't just some

random feeling—it's your built-in GPS, guiding the way even when things get crazy.

Trust your instincts. When you're holding your newborn, the doubts might creep in. But

guess what? Deep down, there's a spark, a gut feeling that says, "You've totally got this." Listen to that voice! There will be a LOT of advice. Some good, some bad and some totally uncalled for. Do what works for you. It’s more that okay to not try some things at all. Learn my observing other and learning by doing. Most of all learning by allowing yourself to switch up whatever and whenever you want. I wish I knew that I should rely on my intuition more and take in the overload of advice less.


5. Your kids are not an extension of you. That’s right, I said it. Sure, we can mold and shape them to the best of our abilities while they are young, however they will eventually have their thoughts and ideas. They will enrage you, test you, hurt your feelings, love you and make you proud. They will dislike some of the things we love. They will love some things we find god-awful! They are also ever changing. Your toddler, middle schoolers and teens are not the same. Favorite colors may change, clothing styles, foods likes and dislikes. And you won’t know it until after the change. Did I mention they will hurt your feelings? Not on purpose, we want them to them to become extraordinary adults, with powerful voices that know how to say what they want. We just never realized they would need to test those voices on us first. I wish I knew I am raising more than my child. I wish I knew it’s okay to toss out my plans for their life and learn to assist in theirs. I would be raising one of my best friends, And the time with them at home will go fast than you can every imagine.


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Imana Azeez with Her Nation Magzine
Imana Azeez | Empowerment and Life design coach


Meet the author:

My name is Imana Azeez, domestic violence survivor and former perfectionist. After fleeing our fully paid off home with my 2 daughters I had to start over again. I went from a quiet overworked mom to performing tap, ballet and jazz on stage, training in NLP, breath work and Parts work, I now show women how to shed the heavy views of society expectations and step into themselves.

  

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